Brooklyn Pizza: Beautiful Soul, Deformed Body

A guest-blogger!

I’m always on the lookout for pizza that does not make me want to vomit. I’m a Randy’s fan since back when, but lately their pies have seen a significant downturn in quality, and their delivery times are starting to border on comical. Also, all recent pizza I have ordered from there has arrived at my house with the temperature and texture of Jello.

Anyway, with Randy’s sucking, I was intrigued when I spotted Brooklyn Pizzeria (2812 Erwin Rd) recently opened next to Six Plates Wine Bar in Erwin Terrace. A little research described a relatively long-standing North Carolina pizza chain with locations in mysterious backwoods locales such as “Fayetteville” (that sounded like a made-up town to me, but sure enough it’s real). A smattering of reviews – mostly by New York emigres – paint a picture of authentic thin-crust pizza.

I was feeling pretty lazy and hungry last night – and I had drank four beers – so I and two other tasters decided to give Brooklyn Pizzeria a shot. After a fairly reasonable thirty-minute wait time (interspersed with several panicked, direction-seeking phone calls from the driver) the pizza arrived, and I could feel the heat radiating from the bottom of the box. A good sign.

Feeling pretty excited at this point, I laid the box on the kitchen counter, opened it up, and…


OH SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?
Seriously. Dude. Wow.

There are only three reasonable explanations for this horrorshow:

1. They are now using fighter jets as delivery vehicles, and the driver was pulling enough Gs to cause complete molecular disruption of the pizza..

2. The driver carried the pizza in the fashion one would carry a large book or framed picture, or he just stuffed it into a messenger bag.

3. The slice on the bottom left is an evil murderer, and the slices on the top right literally crawled away to cower in the corner.

Whatever happened, it was a hideous gargoyle of a pizza. A grotesque, Boschian parody of what should greet hungry people upon opening a pizza box. Brooklyn Pizzeria, I am angry with you.

HOWEVER. As you can see in the above tableau of mutilation, there are two pieces missing. This is because we were so ravenous that we couldn’t take the time to rearrange the pie into something resembling palatable food. We just grabbed the first two generally unspoiled slices and crammed them into our slavering maws.

The verdict, and the general point of this entire story, is that Brooklyn Pizzeria’s pizza is awesome. The crust is crispy and flaky, the cheese/sauce ratio balanced and satisfying, and the mushrooms…well, they were definitely picked by cheerful nymphs in some Hibernian wood, that’s how happy they made me.

Screw you Randy’s. You’re done.

By Nick Williams

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Published in: on April 18, 2008 at 1:15 pm  Comments (7)  

7 Comments

  1. Awesome! Will have to check em out. I almost spewed water all over my monitor over “The slice on the bottom left is an evil murderer, and the slices on the top right literally crawled away to cower in the corner.” Toooooooo funny 🙂

  2. Timely! After waiting nearly 90 minutes last night for a stone cold Randy’s pizza from a sullen, probably prevaricating driver, and being given only $5 off by an also probably prevaricating order taker, I was wondering what my options were, pizza-wise. Brooklyn it is!

  3. Awesome! That looks like a good pizza, if not only for the choice of toppings. I looooove mushrooms on pizza.*

    By the way, have all of the Randy’s Pizzas been sucking for you, or only one of the branches?

    ——–
    *What variety of mushroom is it that most often gets used on a pizza? They’re often perfect for that job. Especially when there’s lots of it. A great taste along with the tomato sauce (not too much, please), cheese, and crust.

    Speaking of which, La Hacienda (on 15-501 near Border’s Books) served a surprisingly good mushroom something (was it a quesadilla? or something closer to a Mexican calzone?) when I ate there once last year. I need to see if I can find it again — too find out if it really is very yummy, or if it was just fairly yummy but in a way that surprised me enough that I remember it.

    [

  4. Great place, they give Duke employees 10% off too!

  5. I’ll have to try this place out, I’m always looking for new pizza in Durham. However, I still love Randy’s. I go to the original Randy’s over on MLK blvd. next to Wynnsong. Which one do you use?

  6. Yeah, the MLK Randy’s is better. But I live Downtown now, so I use the Northgate location, which used to be on Broad Street (it was about 5,000,000,000 times cooler at the old location.)

    I should say that I “used” to use the Northgate location. I never will again, because Brooklyn Pizzeria is hell of better.

  7. This post caused someone to find carpedurham by searching for “deformed bodys.” That is kind of awesome. I hope they weren’t too disappointed.

    I had heard some rumors that this place was closed, but it was open when I called just now, so don’t give up on it! It rocks.


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